Monday, September 24, 2012

Three Reasons Why I Was Not Supposed to Get Up Today

Today was going to be the first time we made it to the gym on Monday.   TJ has three classes today but the first class is like 10 minutes and there is time in between to go work out.  Saturday turned out to be a bad day to go because they have swim lessons so we ended up in the fitness center again.   So I decided Monday, Wednesday and Friday would do just fine.  I know I am getting ready to start
TTOTM  but this morning?   Really?   That was strike one.

So good Mom that I am, I decided we would ride our bikes for a half hour instead and do some weights at home later.   Since our journey is not a half hour, we went down several side streets to get some extra time in.  On one of those side streets, my tire popped!   Now we were four blocks away from home so guess who got to walk her bike for those four blocks?   Yep, me.  On the bright side, I discovered I normally walk 3 miles an hour.   Yeah, I kept watching the bike speedometer as I walked.     LOL    So for those who are counting, that was strike two.

I am sweaty and ick so I decide to get a shower this morning when we get back.  I am doing just fine, just trying to be quiet because the only working shower is in the master bath and Dad's asleep.  So much for quiet, I dropped the portable shower head trying to hang it back up and had Dad in the bathroom making sure I am okay.   Uh...not cool.  So there was strike three.   I am beginning to think someone is trying to tell me something!

I'll end with a cute poster TJ made, its a Zulu proverb poster and he used clip art but he used it very effectively.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Just Some Stuff

I saw something so sad today at the laundromat.   There was a woman there with a little girl.   She was cute as a button, probably no more than four and likely a bit younger.   The woman put her laundry in, then sat down at the table and started texting as well as making a few calls.  Her daughter kept calling her name and wandering around, trying to get her attention.   The woman actually told her daughter, "Now see what you did?   I messed up and have to start over, if you would leave me alone I wouldn't make mistakes." 
I was appalled.   TJ is 14 and I MISS those days something fierce.  People need to realize how fast that time really goes and wake up.   

TJ and I have made every gym day so far this week.   Now we just have to make it on Saturday and we'll finally have a streak going!   I have learned to put my suit on at home and just wear my shorts over it.   Trust me, you don't want to ride your bike while wearing only slick bathing suit bottoms, you would slide off your seat!   I really do need to get a pic of TJ and I all geared up, I think we look cute.   We get in the pool after retrieving our water buoys and noodles.  Yep, I can't get the kid out of the pool ever since he discovered he could strength train in there.  I have no idea what each float means but I know that he really has to force his under the water and sometimes loses his balance and floats off!   Its really pretty funny so we stop our count so he can get his footing again.

You would have laughed at both of us after the first time we tried the pool.  In the water we really didn't notice ourselves getting tired and pushed further than we had intended.  But as soon as we stepped out of the water and started walking to the locker rooms I heard, "Oooooooh, my EVERYTHING hurts!"   I was cruel and told him that meant we had a good workout.  I did laugh at him but trust me, I was in pain as well.  The second time we did the water stuff, the woman in the front office came in to see me dangling from the side by my legs, trying to do underwater sit-ups.   Those were awful on my nose!  She showed me how to use the noodle to do crunches so I added that to T's fitness.  Yesterday I did 100 that I counted and I don't know how many I did with TJ because I forgot to count.  It was at least 20.

We have a new habit.   We go to 7-11 after our workout because its too early in the morning for ice cream.   I am hooked on their mini boston cremes and TJ has fun picking out new chip flavors.  We can't do it all the time so we need to stop doing it but it has been fun.   I hope I am creating good memories for him.   He knows that I have trouble leaving the house and I really hope he is seeing that it doesn't matter, for him I will do anything.   He's a pretty smart kid, so I wouldn't be surprised if he actually has noticed.

I've been more scarce online since I noticed TJ wasn't having a weekend.  He had so much work that he was having to do it on weekends too and that's not good.  So I started spending more time sitting with him doing work.  Its really working for him, he likes it when I am there and it gives him confidence.  Right now he's doing a short story unit so we have been doing that as a family.   I read the story out loud and everyone listens, then we all discuss it.   Its been so much fun that we are going to continue it.   I think a book of good suspenseful short stories would be a lot of fun for us.   We aren't as bad as most people about electronics but I am honest enough to admit that Mom and I could be more unplugged too.   A night to read a story together and a night for a family game night would go a long way.  All we need is a cheap card table to put up to Mom's chair and she can participate too.

I don't know why, but I am getting excited about my glasses.  They said 7-10 days so they will be here from today on.   I did get my backorder in the mail even though I meant to cancel it, I hope it fits better than the rest of the stuff did!   I finally sent it all back and I really don't want to send this one back too.  I am finally thinking of getting my hair cut.   I grow it out for Locks of Love and its sooooo thick that it can give me headaches.   If I go to bed with it wet, it will be still damp in the morning.  I always thought short hair made you look bigger and that's the last thing I wanted when I noticed I was gaining a bit.  Speaking of which, I have no clue why but I keep gaining the last few weeks and its driving me nuts.   I am not gaining a lot, its literally ounces instead of pounds but its still irritating.  I am sure its the exercising and my body adjusting but I wish it would hurry up.   I finally had to MAKE myself stop weighing and make a promise to myself to only weigh on Sundays.  I am half tempted to weigh once a month or twice a month but I don't think I could do that!

I have finally gotten started making angels again, or at least finishing one I started.  Its been a year since I was working on this poor little girl and its way overdue.   She is all done as far as body goes, now I have to get some clothes on her!   I started a dress at the laundromat only for it to go wrong and not fit.   So its back to the drawing board.   I will post a pic of her when she's all done and AFTER her Momma gets to see her first, after all, she's waited long enough.

This is a little guy I saw out the window, just hanging out on Mom's scooter.  I had to go outside and get a pic, he was just too cute.  And no, I don't know if he's a boy or a girl.    :)

Saturday, September 15, 2012

This is SAD

I woke up at almost eight am this morning and went ahead and got up.   Since it was Saturday, I normally sleep in but we need to get to the gym before it gets hot.   Since its about 100 or better in the afternoon, we try to go early.   I went and got TJ up then went to get my breakfast.   He comes stumbling out and proceeds to WHINE for the next hour about it being to early to leave!!!        I was ready to strangle hm.  He kept saying it was too early over and over.   I finally pointed out that he had whined so long that it was not so early anymore!   I finally got him to get his own breakfast and more importantly, to stop whining.   I don't know why, but I have NO patience with whining, no matter what the age of the child.  

Anyway, TJ woke up enough to cooperate and I told him to walk outside and see if it was too hot before I got my gym clothes on.  I was not about to get ready, only for him to start whining that it was too hot to ride our bikes.  Sure enough, he went out and it was too hot.   Now he is supposed to have 2-20 minutes sessions of strength training and 3-30 minute cardio sessions.  Cardio is easy to do at home, strength training, not so much.  

I laid down and took a nap first because I woke up early for the little monster.  But when I got up I got two empty milk cartons and filled them with five gallons of water.   First, TJ did some curls to work on his core then we switched to using the milk cartons for free weights.   It wasn't ideal, they aren't exactly made for that purpose, but they worked.  The only problem was I do these with him and we only had the two empties.  So I had to wait until he took his turn and was done with his gym requirements.

Then came the funny part.   I had laid a folded blanket in the floor to help cushion us some.   I got it position for my curls and had Dad hold my feet down.   Then I tried to sit up.   Then I tried again to sit up.   A third, a fourth, you get the idea.   I couldn't get up no matter how hard I tried!   I just laid there, laughing my head off because I couldn't even do one curl.   The dogs enjoyed it though, they both kept attacking me.   I think I ended up trying about four times to sit up and never did manage it.  

I can either laugh about it or cry and I chose to laugh.   And TJ?   He managed to do 30 of them in between dog attacks of his own.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Confession Is Good For the Soul Part 3

I know, its been awhile!   TJ got a bit behind in classes and was doing work on the weekend.   For him, that's too stressful, he needs his two days off.  So I decided we would buckle down better this week and so we have been hopping!   Today was our gym day, I got lazy yesterday after cleaning the bunny cages and we didn't end up going.   They had a small exercise class so they did it in the fitness area.   The lady at the desk said we could swim for the half hour and then work out but we ended up just doing our stuff in the pool.   They have these water buoy things that you pull down underwater and its the same as using weights.   They are a bit deceptive though, we did two more sets than we should have because it seemed so easy.   We had just locked our bikes up to go to Subway when TJ said, "Okay, now I feel it!"   Yep, we are both pretty sore.    I guess he told Mom, "I feel so old, you don't understand how this is."   Yes, child, none of us have ever exercised.        LOL

Anyway, we had to make up a few exercises but he got it done and then enjoyed some time just playing in the water.   I broke my rule and we got some subs to take home.   It was a nice time but I can definitely tell I worked out!   Our gym clothes came today and I didn't realize I had ordered T such bright clothes!!!   Well, I guess people will definitely be able to see him on his bike.   Tomorrow is supposed to be our rest day but if he's not too sore we might go back just so he can play in the water again.   Anyway, I thought I would update on what we've been up to before I got into the story again.   I finally started my angel again and now she has two arms.   Maybe after I finish here I can get her some legs.   The little girl has been dead a bit over a year and I am feeling pretty bad about not getting her done.  I'll be sure to post a picture when she is finished.   I am a bit sad, some of the other kids that I follow are not far behind her.            :(


My OB told me that TJ was about seven pounds on my due date and she scheduled an induction for the 20th of June.   One of my appointments was exceptionally bad because I came in with my cervix at 1 cm and she manually stretched me to a 1 1/2!    I have no clue why they do stuff like that, it would've happened in its own time!   Anyway, I was at WalMart when on June 18th when I decided that my back pain was actually labor.   My sister in law took me to the hospital and stayed with me until T was born very early on the 19th of June.  I swear, my first sight of him I thought they had switched babies.   He was waaay too big to be a newborn!   He weighed in at 9 lbs 15 oz and was 22 inches long.   I tried natural childbirth without drugs but had to give in when they started pitocin.   I was too slow for them and they decided I needed something.   My Mom wishes they had been more patient since my birth went the same and then she went from 3 to 10 in less than an hour!   I kept fighting the meds but my OB told me I would not have energy to deliver him if I wasted it all in controlling pain.   It was so hard to give in to that.

I was one of those unlucky ones that needed manually scraped because placenta was stuck.   Yeah, you girls know what that means!   I woke up to my insides feeling like a boxer had been in there and fought his way out.   That was a pretty accurate description!   Poor TJ looked worse than I did.   He actually had black eyes that were swollen!   Anyway, my husband was still in the mental hospital at this time and although he was given permission, never left to visit his son.   He said something about not wanting the baby to see him like that.   Not that a newborn sees much of anything!   I came home with T at three days and was so happy.   I had always wanted to be a mother and I had never known I could love someone so much.   I have to give my Dad another kudo, he was there when I really needed him after T was born.   I was extremely sore, so sore that I could barely move and needed help with TJ.   They gave me morphine tablets in the hospital and I was terrified to take them.   When I literally could not get out of bed the first night, I gave in.   I never realized that if you really need pain medication, it won't react weirdly with you.   I was just able to finally move normally!

Tom came home three days after we did and saw his son at six days old.  Then he proceeded to scare the heck out of me.  He kept taking off with the baby!   Yes, I know, he's his Dad, but I was such a new mother that I didn't want him out of my sight.   He would take a six day old infant out for long walks, sit down on a bench, and fall asleep!!!!    For some reason, he kept taking his sleeping medications during the day and I was terrified TJ was going to get kidnapped.   I finally had to ask his Dad to go find him.   They were sympathetic but thought I was being silly until he found Tom fast asleep on a bench with a squalling baby beside him.   Then I got the worst UTI of my life seven days after he was born.   I found out later its quite common but I didn't know that.  They did a cath because they thought I might have a blockage and I freaked out.   Letting people touch me to make sure my son was healthy was extremely difficult, I thought I was done with all that.   I was also worried about TJ because Tom wouldn't let me take him to the hospital with me.   The whole time I was just fretting about my baby.

I got home and TJ was screaming.   He should have had two bottles in the time we were gone and he had had none.   Not only that, his jammy and the bouncy seat he was in were soaked.   For some reason, TJ might have been a big baby but he didn't eat much.   At seven days old he was eating 2 ounces every three hours.   It took him till a year old to get down an 8 ounce bottle!   I was so upset and once again, Tom was oblivious.  It was obvious to me that he had been released too soon and I didn't know what to do.  I missed my Mom terribly and I needed help.   I was so tore up from my son that I bled bright red until he was four months old.   I was literally white as a sheet and exhausted.   It wasn't from waking up with T, he slept through the night most of the time and I had learned to sleep when he napped.   I knew I had to go home.   Tom was sad but he really didn't put up much fuss.   He was continuing to sleep most of the time.

So 13 days after I had my son, I was on a plane with a big diaper bag, a little diaper bag, my purse, my dog in a carrier and TJ on my chest in a Snuggi.  I was so lucky, at every gate some kind person helped me with my stuff to the next plane.  And TJ was good as gold, he took one bottle the whole time and slept the rest.   Mom told me when she first saw him she thought I had switched babies just for fun because there was no way he was only 2 weeks old!

That started our California adventure and that's where we are now.   Many other things happened along the way that shaped me more.   I did have a boyfriend at one point but his mother convinced him that I was a poor prospect being 2 years older, divorced, with a baby.  I know that I dodged a bullet there since if he was that great a guy, he would not have been swayed by his Mom.   He was 21 and they were doing things like grounding him and taking his car (that he paid for!) away!   The only good thing he did was come with me for my post-partum appointment.   I was so scared for that one that it took until T was 11 months old.   Mom finally reminded me that he really had torn me up inside and if there was damage, it needed fixed now or I might not have any more kids.   I still ended up shaking in the bathroom floor before it but I went and he did hold my hand.   If he hadn't been there for me, I never would have gone.   So I guess that was his purpose in my life.   He broke up with me over the internet.   Yeah, I know, he really was a winner.   I seem to attract them!

Tom wasn't a part of T's life again until he was three years old.  We made a visit to Missouri and he remembered he had a son again.   It was a very awkward visit since I wanted to know why his parents had never contacted me.   They were embarrassed at what their son had done and were punishing themselves.   I still can't figure that one out.   I was in Lake Forest, California for a time and that is when Mom and Dad got married.   They had been together about four years at that point.   We headed over to Las Vegas and TJ was the cutest best man ever.   I really need to scan some of those early pictures.   Things happened and we ended up back in Hemet.   When TJ was about two years old I realized he was starting to mimic me in not wanting to go out.   So I forced myself to go up to the playground in our mobile home park.   Later I went in to the child's center we had and met everyone in there.   Eventually I was helping kids with their homework and it really seemed to be helping me.   I was getting out and talking to people instead of just staying home.  TJ was adored by the bigger kids and spoiled rotten.

Then the center was closed and I was back home.  Eventually TJ started school and things started going downhill for him.   I would get calls halfway through the year that he was missing work and a desk clean out revealed all of it, done no less!   I was wondering why in the world it took them six months to tell me he wasn't turning things in.   He got migraines often, even as a kindergartener.   As you already know, the dam broke in 7th grade with migraines every single school day and he's now in online school.  I do wonder sometimes if he's getting the socialization he needs but I still think we did the best thing for him.

As for me?   I am back to not wanting to leave the house and pat myself on the back every time we make it to the gym.   I go in to stores for Mom but if there are a lot of people in the aisle, I zone out.  I still feel like there is someone in the shower with me and wonder if that will ever go away.  I have never gone back to a GYN since T was 11 months old and know that's not smart.   But the sheer terror that fills me at the thought stops the phone every time.  Since I can't figure out my own feelings, I refuse to date anyone.  I believe Tom and I hurt each other but the next time I could hurt someone all on my own and I would feel awful.  I would love to have more kids but am well aware that I have what I can handle.   That doesn't mean my biological clock isn't pounding in my ears, it just means I won't do anything about it.  And as my son gets older, other feelings are coming.   Not anything yicky, just, realizing that he's a guy too.   Yes, he's my son, but he's male and therefore, scary.   I do my best to hide that but am not sure I am doing so great at it.   I am not sure which is worse, the fact that he can tell and figures its just a part of me or it bothers him but he's not saying.   Knowing my son, he already knows and thinks its just a part of me.  I really did get lucky with him and I am well aware of it.

This isn't the end of the story but its the end of the postings about it.   The end of this story has not been written and I find new pages everyday.  Thank you for being with me on this journey.

Nobody can see a Yoruba sculpture of a smiling Cheerio leopard without smiling themselves.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

An Afternoon with Mom

I haven't forgotten about finishing my story but I am still not quite ready for Part 3.  

Tuesday was TJ and I's first time at the gym.   We got our gear together, put on our helmets and headed down the road.   I could tell we haven't been biking in some time since its a mile to the gym and both of us were already tired.   I could tell this would be a fun workout.       LOL    The good thing is we found a less busy road to go down so we weren't in all that traffic.   It seems like cars AIM for people biking or walking!

The lady at the fitness center was great!   She showed TJ this machine that pretty much does everything he needs it to.   There is a chart on the wall about the different exercises and how you have to sit, etc., to work each muscle group.   She had him do one set of each type of exercise just to give him an idea.   Then she even showed him the stretches for each muscle group he worked!   Since the $65 a month doesn't include personal training, that was really nice of her.  I always thought when you stretched that you just stretched in general.   For some reason it never occurred to me that you were supposed to stretch the same muscles you used.           LOL

He didn't spend very much time on each group of muscles but it was his whole 20 minutes of time so I called it good.   He decided to try out the treadmill just for fun and I went over to a bike.   We both enjoyed watching the calories burned part and went a little longer than we should have.   He wants to try it again today, making it faster and playing with the incline.           LOL         We were only on each machine for five minutes but our legs were aching.   I forgot about the fact that we were biking there and home, so working our legs was probably not a good idea. 

It was around lunchtime so I told him we could eat somewhere in the area.   He picked the Subway across the street from the gym and we headed out again.  We get to Subway and he tells me he needs to use the bathroom!   I asked why he didn't say anything while we were at the gym and he said he didn't need to go then  Where is a rolling eye smiley when you need one?    Turns out that none of the shops there, including Subway have a restroom and we ended up across the street at Rite Aid.

Now I am sure you are wondering why in the world I am talking about this!?   Well, at Rite Aid they have an ice cream counter.   So of course we decided that we would have to have an ice cream after our subs.   So we looked at the counter to see some of the choices.   We headed to Subway not sure whether we were getting the Birthday Cake or the Circus Animal Cookie.   I laughed as TJ collapsed at a booth at Subway and took pity on him by ordering his food for him.  Teenagers can be so dramatic! 

We had a nice lunch and then headed back over to Rite Aid.   Two scoops of Birthday Cake later, we were enjoying our ice cream.   TJ said the person that invented Birthday Cake ice cream was a genius.       LOL     It was really odd, you could taste the cake and icing!   They even had sprinkles for color.   We decided that would have to be a semi-regular stop on our gym days.   Once a month we will have lunch and once a week we will have an ice cream.   He said he's getting the Circus Animal Cookie next time and I have my eye on the Blueberry Cheese Cake Greek Yogurt ice cream!

It was a nice outing and I think he had fun.   I feel sort of silly that I have to have my 14 year old kid with me, that I can't travel on my own, but I think its actually good for both of us.  We are headed to the gym again after lunch and will take our suits this time.   I'm going to let him play in the pool to cool off after his work out before we head over for our ice cream.   Yes, we already went this week, but I'm Mom and I can break my own rules once in a while.       LOL     TJ's growing too fast, he has to borrow Dad's helmet until I get him a new one because he needs an adult size now.   Ah well, that happens. 

Well, we didn't make it to the gym today.   TJ was griping it was too hot and truthfully, it was a bit too hot to leave at one pm.   I decided I would just pedal tonight and I just got done with 45 minutes.   My legs are like noodles!  Mom and I had to run errands and we took TJ with us.   He was going to try Baskin Robbins for the first time in his life.   Yeah, I know, but most times we get ice cream out, its a vanilla at McDonald's.   Anyway, turns out the poor kid has not outgrown getting carsick.    So I guess we will get a scoop tomorrow at Rite Aid after the gym.

We are going to get up tomorrow at 7 am so we can be out of the house by 8 am.   It will definitely not be too hot then!   So wish me luck, we are awake sometimes at 7 am, but not exactly coherent.   I was proud of TJ, it was his idea to get up early. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Fashion Show!

I found a good coupon on Woman Within a week ago and purchased a few shirts and a swimsuit.   They do run a bit bigger than I expected but I like things loose anyway.   I promised I would post pictures of me in the clothes so here you go.   I thought this might be a neat mini break from the life story thing.   I am not done with it, though.   :)   As a side note, I got these shirts to go with the skorts but I didn't realize they were tunic length and not appropriate for them!   I will have to get some jeans or slacks to go with the shirts.   I promise I won't buy $100 jeans though.             LOL