I was anorexic from about 13 years old until I was 23, after I had my son. My grandmother and Dad trained me from a very young age to eat extremely small portions so even before my teens, I wasn't a big girl. You might be wondering why my Mom let this go on? Simple, she didn't know. My Mom went to school and worked full time when I was young, then worked even longer hours when I was older. That and I was not exactly a noisy child. I didn't talk about things going on with me. I was a little on the low side but not bad weight wise until I hit my growth spurt. Since I was short for my age until then, it wasn't that noticeable. Then I grew 6 inches literally over one summer and at six foot tall and 12 years old, it was obvious to anyone but me that I was extremely underweight. You could count my floating ribs. I wore a size 0 and my Mom sometimes had to take it in for me.
I can't remember if I thought I was fat, my memories are pretty fuzzy of that point in my life. I do know that my Dad being sick all the time caused me so much stress that I wasn't hungry and my stomach hurt all the time. By the time I had the nervous breakdown at 17, this was due to full blown ulcers. My Mom asked my Dad and grandmother one time why they did what they did and they gave her some story that her family has weight problems and they kept me from getting fat. Yeah, Dad isn't the greatest and grandma was not a nice person. For clarification, this is NOT the Dad I talk about lovingly. He's actually my stepDad, but long ago earned the right to have the step removed. I wish he was a part of my life before I was 20 years old!
I was 6 foot tall with a little heavier bone structure and I weighed 86 lbs at my absolute lightest. By the time I got out of the hospital, I weighed above life threatening danger level but was still way underweight. And if anyone is stupid enough to think this is a good idea, I was told I didn't have any damage they could find right away but it was likely, almost even certain that we would find damage as I got older. I think the reason I have trouble losing weight now is that my metabolism was messed up. You can rock your metabolism to lose again by eating more. It usually takes about 2 weeks for it to re-set but mine can take up to a month. It really can be annoying.
Fast forward to 22 and I was pregnant with my son. I never had gained enough to be at a normal weight and fought that until my seventh month. I checked in with WIC and that was their constant complaint. I was not at a healthy weight and they were concerned. My seventh month I finally gained enough that I was actually a normal weight for once in my life. I was still thin but it didn't seem like that would ever change. After TJ was born, I immediately dumped all the weight again and left the hospital looking like I had not just given birth.
Pictures of TJ and I when he was younger still show a thin me that is at a normal weight. I think the first signs of my metabolism changing were about the time he turned seven. I was still eating anything I wanted to but it was starting to show too. About five years ago, I went on Slim Fast as well as went swimming all the time and did really well, that time I lost 30 pounds. I bought some skorts that were size 14 in the hopes that I would be wearing them but I fell off the wagon and kept on rolling. The exciting thing is that I saved the skorts and tried them on last night. They fit! But this is the first part of the story and I am skipping to the end.
I noticed I was heavy but it just wasn't something on my mind much. Then I decided to get pictures of TJ and I together for Dad for Father's Day. When they came back, I was shocked. I couldn't believe that was me. I wore a size 18 and am pretty sure I was closer to a 20. But I still didn't do anything about it.
Then one day I went with Mom while she had her blood drawn and I sat in a chair with arms. It wasn't a small chair, it was just a normal size chair. And it was tight. That did it for me. I had never had a chair be tight on me in my life and I wasn't going to start now. I had to make some changes. That was on Jan 8, 2012. The girls on MWOP talked about MyFitnessPal. It a calorie counter and an exercise recorder. The best part is that its free and I didn't have to buy special food. The weird thing I noticed is that I went back and forth between eating way too much and not enough. The first step I had to take was to quit skipping breakfast. I wasn't hungry in the morning but you could see my portions at dinner were increased on days I didn't have breakfast. I had to quit skipping meals.
My problem wasn't really eating too much. My problem was not eating enough so my body would hold onto what little I would give it. I was STILL mostly eating like I was an anorexic. But my body was no longer acting like one, holding onto every calorie I would give it and giving nothing up. I don't know if that is from damage or just getting older. I had become a bit too sedentary as well. So I started eating three meals a day, whether I wanted to or not, and exercising. At first, I just did sit ups and things on the floor. But later I purchased one of those exercise "bikes" that is just pedals for your feet. I still had my ice cream, cakes, etc., just not all the time, not every day. And if I did eat like that, I pedaled for it. It took a few pounds to notice a difference but results were showing.
|April 10, 2012|
|April 28, 2012|
|May 9, 2012|
|June 19, 2012|
|July 25, 2012|
|August 11, 2012|